tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5645489419653605669.post8347549047437795280..comments2011-12-08T05:44:35.430-06:00Comments on The Treehouse Gang: Submission Saturday--Paranormal Short StoryEvie Jayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00196982399488470921noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5645489419653605669.post-58167734697314441482011-02-13T11:10:11.665-06:002011-02-13T11:10:11.665-06:00That was a great story, Sarah! i really enjoyed it...That was a great story, Sarah! i really enjoyed it, and it almost gave me the creeps. Hee. <br />I don't have much to say about the characters, other than you took his fear and confusion and played it very well. <br />One thing you should fix(its small) is this sentance, "He found his senses, fumbled for the light switch till his clumsy hands found it..." You need to change one of those <i>founds.</i> It's a bit repetative. :) <br />While I get scared easily, I'm also the kind of stupid person who wants to hear about the death of someone in a horror/ghost story. So, I'm kinda eager to read more!Savannah Jeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02659062736697798048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5645489419653605669.post-23293894137208229272011-02-12T13:30:47.293-06:002011-02-12T13:30:47.293-06:00Wow. It's awesome seeing my work posted by so...Wow. It's awesome seeing my work posted by someone other than myself. Lol. Thanks Treehouse Gang!<br /><br />And thank you Serena! I appreciate the feed back. :)Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06937132148835788424noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5645489419653605669.post-47148690114165509502011-02-12T10:23:47.148-06:002011-02-12T10:23:47.148-06:00Sarah-
GREAT story! I really was hooked!
There are...Sarah-<br />GREAT story! I really was hooked!<br />There are only a couple things I would change. <br />First, the opening could have been a little more powerful. Like, you could have talked about WHY he wanted to sleep through a whole night, or how intent he was on getting what he wanted. Also, when you say that he saw a man in his kitchen, I think you could have expanded upon the fact that he froze. Like, maybe by describing his fear, his confusion, his curiosity, or something like that.<br />However, your ending was PERFECT. Amazing. <br />I really got the sense that the character (the human one) was trying really hard to ignore the situation, or blame the ghost sightings on himself or his vision, which really aided in your character development ALOT. The ending gave me CHILLS :)<br />Overall, I absolutely loved your story :)Serenahttp://livelaughlovebroadway.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.com