tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5645489419653605669.post5417278949921041935..comments2011-12-08T05:44:35.430-06:00Comments on The Treehouse Gang: Submission Saturday--Paranormal PitchesEvie Jayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00196982399488470921noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5645489419653605669.post-71232875401534868812011-02-06T08:33:31.817-06:002011-02-06T08:33:31.817-06:00Thanks for all the comments! They were really help...Thanks for all the comments! They were really helpful! :DKate Andershttp://kateanders.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5645489419653605669.post-40703093714771390332011-02-05T12:41:29.436-06:002011-02-05T12:41:29.436-06:00Well I'm back to help you out Kate. *gives hig...Well I'm back to help you out Kate. *gives high five* Now about your pitch<br /><br />Your short pitch is great and makes me want to read more so don't change a thing on that. <br /><br />For your full pitch my main problem is it's kinda vauge. You want to have some mystery but with it I can't tell much about the story. Try to give us some more plot details like who is Nightmare and what is the Dreamworld. When writing its hard to remember that what seems like common knowlage to you no one else understands. try coming from it from a different angle as If you have no idea what any of this is and your pitch will surely improve. Good luck!<br /><br />And thank you everyone for the comments! Means a ton!Alexia Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16793948070065197418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5645489419653605669.post-6771880279358939942011-02-05T12:36:48.381-06:002011-02-05T12:36:48.381-06:00Kate:
It was great, but a little confusing. Maybe ...Kate:<br />It was great, but a little confusing. Maybe take the time to explain what she actually diid. Great adjectives, though.<br /><br />Alexia:<br />Yours grabbed me attention from the minute I started reading, I would totally buy this if I saw it on the back of a cover!Chandlernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5645489419653605669.post-64690949940844127122011-02-05T11:22:37.803-06:002011-02-05T11:22:37.803-06:00For Kate:
My initial reaction would be that it...For Kate: <br />My initial reaction would be that it's kind of vague, and I still don't quite know what it's about. But it was interesting with the, "I have seen your dreams and they are mine" thing. That alone is enough to make me want to know who on earth saw this person's dreams. <br />Overall,I think it should give us a little more information and it would be a great pitch! :) <br /><br />Alexia: <br />Your pitch makes me think a little about Brody's Ghost (a manga heh heh.) But I think it's good. It gives me just enough info about the book so I want to read it! <br />However, I think you should try to make it more clear what the mood is going to be. Because this could have the potential to be a really funny book, but it could also be a really serious one. <br /><br />Hope that was helpful at all! :)<br /><br />~Andromeda/brokebone95~Savannah Jeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02659062736697798048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5645489419653605669.post-49675579351224203492011-02-05T10:04:38.827-06:002011-02-05T10:04:38.827-06:00BOTH of you, are AMAZING. I would totally reach fo...BOTH of you, are AMAZING. I would totally reach for those books if i saw them on the shelf! :)<br />Really grabbed my attention!!Serenahttp://livelaughlovebroadway.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5645489419653605669.post-61721186660628033282011-02-05T09:55:34.733-06:002011-02-05T09:55:34.733-06:00Kate's Pitch:
I really like the first line. It...Kate's Pitch:<br />I really like the first line. It really grabbed my attention. I read it and I said to myself that I would read that book.<br />You could maybe (and this is a maybe) add a little more information. I think it's a really good pitch, but it seems a little short.<br />In the last line, I think the 'are destroyed.' should be changed to 'is destroyed.' That was the only somewhat grammatical error I found.<br /><br />Alexia's Pitch:<br />I really like your first and last sentences. They really make you want to read more.<br />the 'much in life after death.' didn't make much sense to me. Did you mean about death? Or 'much of life after death.'?<br />I really like your pitch. The story sounds intriguing and I like the whole 'recover the missing part of her soul.'<br />Overall, I think it's a good pitch!Munchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17545554572721290371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5645489419653605669.post-50667827019208305392011-02-05T09:25:25.741-06:002011-02-05T09:25:25.741-06:00Alexia, I was just about to say that! XD I never m...Alexia, I was just about to say that! XD I never make it off a random number thing, but this time I did!<br /><br />Also, awkward that I didn't give a title o.o Sorry bout that. It's Rin Ryder and the Dream World. <br /><br />For Alexia: I'm not a pitch pro, but I find this to be a very interesting pitch! So, yes to the grabbing of attention question. I'm always grabbed by stories with a soul issue and Anya seems to be having a big one! <br /><br />For the plot-wise question, I got a good idea of where you're going to go with this story, but at the same time I like that you don't give a whole lot away. That leaves the reader wanting to read more, which, in this case, means they will want to read your story! <br /><br />Hm, improved on pitch-wise? Again, not a terrific pitch writer so I think it's a good pitch.<br /><br />"Anya had never thought much in life after death"--should this be "of life after death"? It's a little confusing as "in life after death".<br />That's the only "error" I found.<br /><br />Overall: Good pitch. The last two lines are really hardcore! And they make me want to know more. What could be the worst thing to happen to someone in the Spirit World? Nice job!Kate Andershttp://kateanders.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5645489419653605669.post-74638542095717596352011-02-05T09:11:41.646-06:002011-02-05T09:11:41.646-06:00Ha wow I made it :) I can't help myself so I l...Ha wow I made it :) I can't help myself so I love if anyone helps me! Thanks for the time. I'll be back later to help the other author.<br /><br />-AlexiaAlexia Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16793948070065197418noreply@blogger.com