Saturday, February 5, 2011

Submission Saturday
Paranormal Pitches

This weekend marks the first submission weekend for The Treehouse Gang! Yay! Submissions opened on Sunday and lasted through Thursday for Paranormal Pitches. Seven of you entered, which is more than we expected for our first time. So YAY! :) Using a random generator, two out of the seven were chosen. They are: Kate Ander's pitch and Alexia (A.K.A101)'s Trapped in Between.

Remember: If your submission wasn't chosen, enter next week! Or the week after! If you were chosen, please don't enter until next month to give others a fair shot.

Pitches are short summaries of your story or novel. Their purpose is to grab one's attention, especially if you're submitting to an agent or publisher. You don't want them to be too long, but don't shorten them so much that you leave out important information. Good references are backs (or side panels on hardbacks) of books. Many times the pitch the author used in his/her query letter will be used for that summary on the book (altered a bit, of course).

All right, here's how it works: Below are the two pitches. It's your chance to help out Kate and Alexia. Tell them what you think about it and if you have any suggestions for improvement. You can write as little or as much as you want. However, unnecessary, negative comments will be deleted. If you already know how to critique pitches, go for it! If you need a little help, here's a sample outline you can use if you want:

Initial Reaction (Did it grab your attention?):
What are you getting from the pitch (plot-wise)?
What do you like about it?
Anything you think needs to be improved on? (Too much information? Too little information?)
Any errors or anything writing-wise that needs to be improved?

Now, on to the pitches!
By Kate
I have seen your dreams and they are mine.
Rin Ryder knew that crossing a Nightmare would be listed as the stupidest thing she had ever done, but she wasn't about to give that abomination anything it wanted. Now, with Dreamworld teetering on the edge of destruction because of her prideful idiocy, Rin must uncover the truth about herself and her world before everything and everyone she loves are destroyed.

Trapped in Between by Alexia (A.K.A101)
Being trapped between life and death is hell.
Anya had never thought much in life after death. She had other things on her mind; family, friends, schoolwork. That is, until she was hit by a car and was thrust into the spirit world.
Until she was trapped there.
Anya is still alive, stuck in a coma in the living world. The only way to get back to her body? Recover the missing part of her soul. Armed with a few friends, some new tricks, and a whole lot of luck, Anya sets on a journey through the Spirit world. However, the world of the dead is trickier than she thought. In the real world, the worst thing that can happen is death.
In the Spirit world there is so much worse.

Let them know what you think! Remember, you don't have to be a writer to critique. Readers are just as important to aspiring writers. Two comments from below will be chosen to go into The Gang's review tomorrow, so get critiquing!


Alexia Smith said...

Ha wow I made it :) I can't help myself so I love if anyone helps me! Thanks for the time. I'll be back later to help the other author.


Kate Anders said...

Alexia, I was just about to say that! XD I never make it off a random number thing, but this time I did!

Also, awkward that I didn't give a title o.o Sorry bout that. It's Rin Ryder and the Dream World.

For Alexia: I'm not a pitch pro, but I find this to be a very interesting pitch! So, yes to the grabbing of attention question. I'm always grabbed by stories with a soul issue and Anya seems to be having a big one!

For the plot-wise question, I got a good idea of where you're going to go with this story, but at the same time I like that you don't give a whole lot away. That leaves the reader wanting to read more, which, in this case, means they will want to read your story!

Hm, improved on pitch-wise? Again, not a terrific pitch writer so I think it's a good pitch.

"Anya had never thought much in life after death"--should this be "of life after death"? It's a little confusing as "in life after death".
That's the only "error" I found.

Overall: Good pitch. The last two lines are really hardcore! And they make me want to know more. What could be the worst thing to happen to someone in the Spirit World? Nice job!

Munch said...

Kate's Pitch:
I really like the first line. It really grabbed my attention. I read it and I said to myself that I would read that book.
You could maybe (and this is a maybe) add a little more information. I think it's a really good pitch, but it seems a little short.
In the last line, I think the 'are destroyed.' should be changed to 'is destroyed.' That was the only somewhat grammatical error I found.

Alexia's Pitch:
I really like your first and last sentences. They really make you want to read more.
the 'much in life after death.' didn't make much sense to me. Did you mean about death? Or 'much of life after death.'?
I really like your pitch. The story sounds intriguing and I like the whole 'recover the missing part of her soul.'
Overall, I think it's a good pitch!

Serena said...

BOTH of you, are AMAZING. I would totally reach for those books if i saw them on the shelf! :)
Really grabbed my attention!!

Andromeda said...

For Kate:
My initial reaction would be that it's kind of vague, and I still don't quite know what it's about. But it was interesting with the, "I have seen your dreams and they are mine" thing. That alone is enough to make me want to know who on earth saw this person's dreams.
Overall,I think it should give us a little more information and it would be a great pitch! :)

Your pitch makes me think a little about Brody's Ghost (a manga heh heh.) But I think it's good. It gives me just enough info about the book so I want to read it!
However, I think you should try to make it more clear what the mood is going to be. Because this could have the potential to be a really funny book, but it could also be a really serious one.

Hope that was helpful at all! :)


Chandler said...

It was great, but a little confusing. Maybe take the time to explain what she actually diid. Great adjectives, though.

Yours grabbed me attention from the minute I started reading, I would totally buy this if I saw it on the back of a cover!

Alexia Smith said...

Well I'm back to help you out Kate. *gives high five* Now about your pitch

Your short pitch is great and makes me want to read more so don't change a thing on that.

For your full pitch my main problem is it's kinda vauge. You want to have some mystery but with it I can't tell much about the story. Try to give us some more plot details like who is Nightmare and what is the Dreamworld. When writing its hard to remember that what seems like common knowlage to you no one else understands. try coming from it from a different angle as If you have no idea what any of this is and your pitch will surely improve. Good luck!

And thank you everyone for the comments! Means a ton!

Kate Anders said...

Thanks for all the comments! They were really helpful! :D